My Depression Story

It’s been a long time since I last wrote anything on this website.  I’ve been too busy at work to live life.  This has caused many problems that I will soon share. I am happy to be back. 

Now it is time to start picking up the pieces of a life ignored.  I am redefining my goals and will soon be ready to share my story and my daily struggles and my occasional triumphs.  Watch this site over the next few weeks.

The DailyStrength.org website was recently mentioned in the Yahoo! Depression-Anxiety Group as a decent online support group.  Someone did complain that their information  they posted on their DailyStrength.org personal home page was publicly searchable with Google.  I just barely registered for the service, so I haven’t verified the claim of the Google search.  After I have spent some time with the service, I will post a review.

http://dailystrength.org/

I have been finding a number of self-help websites that help people deal with depression and anxiety.  Here are a few of them:

• MySelfHelp.com
  • I highly recommend this interactive self-help tool that uses cognitive behavioral therapy to assist the user in dealing with his problems.  I’ve been using it now for a month, and it has already helped me improve my sleeping patterns.  The depression section is good, but it doesn’t seem to be as well developed as the “Conquer Insomnia” section.  There is a journal, sleep diary, calendar, medicine tracker, depression log, stress table, and many other interactive tools.
• Robert F. Sarmiento’s Cyber Psychologist
  • This site has some helpful information, but seems to contain the standard helps found elsewhere.  It is a completely non-interactive website. Even so, I really found the section on Therapy Goals to be very useful.

Currently, I maintain two blogs for My Depression Story.  I don’t know which to continue supporting.  I have one on WordPress, where I get more visitors.  I have this one on my own webhost, where I don’t get any visitors.  I don’t want to duplicate every entry.   The only advantage of having it on WordPress.com is the number of visitors.  There are a lot more advantages with having it on my own webhost, since I can customize everything, add plugins, modify the database, etc.  Maybe I need to find a way to draw visitors to MyDepressionStory.com and abandon the WordPress.com blog.

For the past month I have been using MySelfHelp.com.  It seems to be a good resource.  I recommend it.

This is a list of the websites and articles that I wish to examine.  I haven’t evaluated them, so some may be good, others may suck. Not sure. That’s why I want to check them out.  If I don’t like one, I’ll remove it from the list.  Once I’ve looked at a site, I’ll put it on my Del.icio.ous feed.

http://amoryn.com/index.html
http://bipolarhead.com/
http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2006/12/my-story-so-far.html
http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/depression.html
http://christianwomentoday.com/stories_anxietyanddepression/
http://consultantlive.com/topic/Depression/
http://depression.about.com/
http://depression.about.com/od/truestories/True_Stories_of_Depression.htm
http://depression.healthdiaries.com/
http://depressionbookstore.com/
http://digg.com/health/Criteria_for_Depression_Are_Too_Broad_Researchers_Say
http://eqi.org/index.htm
http://griefnet.org/
http://health.msn.com/centers/depression/
http://health.msn.com/centers/mentalhealth/stress.aspx
http://home.avvanta.com/~charlatn/depression/Depression.html
http://living-with-depression.best-depression-blogs.com/2972/
http://mydepressionvictory.com/blog/
http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/index.dtl
http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20040206-000001.html
http://suicidal.com/siteindex/feelings.html
http://superviva.com/about.success.stories.php
http://support4hope.com/depression/index.htm
http://talentdevelop.com/depression.html
http://www.3-minute-depression-cure.com
http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/conditions/item.php?uniqueid=7014&categoryid=40
http://www.abilitymagazine.com/interview_drliberman.html
http://www.accomplishlife.com/categories/Depression/
http://www.allaboutdepression.com/index.html
http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/Coping-With-Depression.htm
http://www.alternativemedicines.tv/condition_451.html
http://www.alternet.org/story/15304/
http://www.asch.net/
http://www.azstarnet.com/sn/110degrees/182680
http://www.beatmydepression.com/
http://www.biopsychiatry.com/
http://www.bipolarhappens.com/
http://www.breadcasters.org/
http://www.calm.com.au/pages/02depression.shtml
http://www.careplace.com/
http://www.changinglivesonline.org/
http://www.changinglivesonline.org/erinpoems.html
http://www.christian-depression.org/cdp/testimony/story.php
http://www.connexions-direct.com/index.cfm?pid=228&catalogueContentID=541
http://www.crazymeds.org/
http://www.creatingfutures.net/depression.html
http://www.cure-your-depression.com/
http://www.cure-your-depression.com/depression_story.html
http://www.cyberpsych.com/
http://www.depressedanon.com/
http://www.depression-guide.com/
http://www.depression-guide.com/index.htm
http://www.depression-primarycare.co.uk/
http://www.depression-recovery-life.com/
http://www.depression.50megs.com/
http://www.depression.oldguy.us/about.php
http://www.depression.org.nz/
http://www.depression.org.uk/
http://www.depressionalliance.org/docs/community/your_story.html
http://www.depressionalliance.org/shop/products/software/bluesbegone/
http://www.depressiondays.com/mystory.html
http://www.depressiondoctor.com/
http://www.depressionet.com.au/
http://www.depressionism.net/
http://www.depressionissues.com/
http://www.depressiontreatmentnow.com/
http://www.emofree.com/Depression/depression-anxiety-greg.htm
http://www.escapefromdepression.com/
http://www.exmormon.org/whylft118.htm
http://www.exmormon.org/whylft56.htm
http://www.experiencejournal.com/depression/index.shtml
http://www.experienceproject.com/
http://www.faithfoo.com/
http://www.fortunechildbooks.com/wisdom/boundlessjoy.htm
http://www.fromthepit.net/
http://www.garagegames.com/blogs/67993/13005
http://www.healingfromdepression.com/bloch-hell-toc.htm
http://www.healingfromdepression.com/my-story.htm
http://www.healthdiaries.com/depression.htm
http://www.healthyhomeopathy.com/pr_default.htm
http://www.hopeway.org/lifehelps/hlp4dep.asp
http://www.howtobeatdepression.com/story.htm
http://www.jaredstory.com/
http://www.journey-to-success.com/depression.html
http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2005/5/16/81428/8007
http://www.ldsdepression.com/
http://www.lifeassess.org/depression/story.htm
http://www.lifescript.com/channels/well_being/index.asp
http://www.maledepression.com/index.php
http://www.maledepression.info/
http://www.mdsg.org/inthenews2001.html
http://www.meditationiseasy.com/tips/depression/index.php
http://www.menalive.com/default.htm
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/
http://www.mentalhealthministries.net/
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=353&cn=353/
http://mhchat.org/
http://www.mhsanctuary.com/depression/story.htm
http://www.mindyourmind.ca/
http://www.moodswing.org/index.php
http://www.mydepressioncures.com/
http://www.mydr.com.au/default.asp?article=2813
http://www.nacronline.com/dox/library/depress.shtml
http://www.nakedmedicine.com/
http://www.option.org/personal_challenges/overcoming_depression.php
http://www.psycheducation.org/mechanism/MechanismIntro.htm
http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/
http://www.psychic-experiences.com/real-psychic-story.php?story=64
http://www.psychologies.co.uk/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/topics/depression.html
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.html
http://www.psyke.org/
http://www.radpsynet.org/journal/vol5/Liebert-Gavey.html
http://www.ragingpistachio.co.uk/depression/
http://www.psychocomic.com/ezin2002/Ezine2002-01.htm
http://www.reiki.org/
http://www.revolutionhealth.com/conditions/mental-behavioral-health/depression/?msc=A16932
http://www.searpubl.ca/depres.html
http://www.selfsteps.com/aff.htm?id=shezz
http://www.serotoninpowerstories.com/
http://www.sexetc.org/story/emotional_health/2041
http://www.shadowvoices.com/
http://www.sleepapnea.org/info/patient/bobstory.html
http://www.somazone.com.au/content.asp?Document_ID=175
http://www.squidoo.com/i_beat_depression/
http://www.stopbadtherapy.com/index.shtml
http://www.stresscenter.com/
http://www.stressdoc.com/
http://www.studentdepression.co.uk/site/index.php?page_id=71
http://www.teamministries.us/kerrie-loneliness-depression.htm
http://www.testingdepression.com/category/feelings-and-emotions/
http://www.the-bright-side.org/site/thebrightside/
http://www.thehealingbridge.org/authors/jonah_whitely/jonah_whitely.html
http://www.thementallyillmentor.com/
http://www.thesamscenter.com/
http://www.thubtenchodron.org/PrisonDharma/vanishing_depression_and_anxiety.html
http://www.topix.net/health/depression
http://www.troubledwith.com/lifepressures/Depression.cfm
http://www.ulifeline.org/page/main/Home.html
http://www.universeofpower.com/building_your_power/depression/
http://www.upliftprogram.com/stories.html
http://www.usmagazine.com/sarah_silverman
http://www.walkers.org/
http://www.zimbio.com/Depression
http://your-health-center.com/isdepression/?id=shezz
https://www.pastors.com/RWMT/article.asp?ArtID=4767

Do I have Bipolar II disorder?  Could hypomania be what I call normal?  This could explain why I feel depressed most of the time. This could explain why Tegretol (carbamazapine) works so well for me.  This could explain why I have rapid cycles.  This could explain why I will stay up really late having a great time and then crash into a deep depression the next day.  If so, I know I don’t have hypomania very often.  

I definitely have depression, but could I also have hypomania but not want to admit it or even recognize it?

Right now, I feel great with lots of energy and moving fast and thinking fast.  Yes, I drank caffeine at lunch, but I actually drank a less than I typically do.  My body hurts, but that is normal.  I think I may need to look at the symptoms of hypomania to discover if this may be what I have.

Although, last night I did get 7 hours of sleep, which is more than each of the previous several nights.  Maybe, I just got a decent night’s sleep.

It’s hard to say what I have, since I believe that the effects of my severe sleep apnea complicate any diagnosis beyond my already diagnosed depression.

• More physical pain than normal - excessively massaging my arms and legs to attempt to relieve the pain
• Lack of focus and concentration
• Fatigue
• Stay up really late before the big crash
• More irritable
• Cry easier
• Moody
• Difficulty making decisions
• Can’t sit still or don’t want to move in extremes
• Stay in bed
• Avoid work
• Avoid people
• Stay awake at night and sleep during the day
• Want to spend money, eat, or do something to avoid or ignore the issues
• Lack of interest in my spouse
• Retreat into my shell and avoid any intimacy
• Don’t want to have conversations
• Difficulty thinking deeply
• Deadening of emotions
• Lack of pleasure
• Lack of motivation
• Easily frustrated with difficult tasks or complex decisions

For the past several months, I have kept a record of my sleep habits using the Alertness Diary.  I can’t believe how little sleep I actually get and how little time I actually spend in bed.   I seem to generally get between 5 and 7 hours during the week, and then on the weekend, I am so tired that I need to sleep a lot to pay the accumulated sleep debt.  I definitely need to improve my sleep habits.

Combined with my severe sleep apnea, I don’t get much sleep at all.

What’s the difference between Cognitive Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy other than the word in the middle?  Obviously, there must be some action involved in order to be behavioral.  What are the differences?